ADVICE FROM THE SELF HELP ADDICT

Being A Student Of Life

2011-11-21T00:28:00.001-08:00

Dear Readers,
It's been a long time since I have posted! I know that it seems like I have forgotten you all, but in fact, I have been out working in your favor. I decided to go back to school and thus became a student of life. There have been many things that I have learned in the short time that I have been in school and I would like to share them with you. As I post, I constantly think about the reason that I write. I write to share the lessons that I have learned with the world, so that maybe some person like me might not have to go through the things I go through. Sometimes it's like, "What do I do now?" and life becomes this impossible thing that we have to suffer through. I've been there. I occasionally revisit this place in my life so that I could learn yet another lesson. And I give you some of the answers to life.

1. WANNA BE THE BEST? STOP BEING AFRAID TO COMPETE!
I've always been a wordsmith and a scholar, so it was no surprise to me when I did well in my first month of school. The first week, I coasted along on my incredible ability to retain information and my great test scores. In every sense, I was ahead of the curve, but I still wasn't fulfilling my maximum potential. The next week, I worked hard. I pretended like every point counted and it showed in my scores. I finished out the week with 101% and my test score for the week was 100%. I had even amazed myself. But it had to start with the challenge first. If not for the challenge, I wouldn't have known how well I could have done. Suddenly, I was excited, I wanted to learn everything. I opened myself to the experiences I had in class and flowed with it. I challenge you to challenge yourselves! Where does your mediocrity lie? And what can you do to overcome the fear of competition. Enjoy it.

2. KNOW YOUR ENEMIES.
I have something of an arch-nemesis (who is to remain nameless) that I share a workspace with. She likes to take credit for my work, which isn't giving any credit to my self worth. Lucky for me, I know my enemy. And I know that she is not above trickery to get the fruits of my long work labors. I know to stay away, keep a distance, if you will. And I know to watch my back, because I recognize her usual traps. I don't allow her to get in the way of my success and make sure to let my powerful personal brand overshine her shadowy gossip about me. In that way, I fly above the bullshit, and that's the benefit of being a student of life. No bullshit.

3. SOMETIMES, THE SHIT EATING GRIN IS NOT ENOUGH.
I had the unfortunate luck of having a family member so fake, so foul, so evil living with me that I could literally feel her sucking the life out of me. Lucky for me, as soon as she had come, she was gone. I remember the night she left. I wanted so badly to bash her head into a wall for her rude attitude! She couldn't say, "Thank you, bitch, for taking care of me and my evil ass child." No, nothing like that. She had caused endless drama in my home and allowed her child to terrorize and abuse my children. And when I stepped to the car, all I could think of was how badly I needed that. But instead, I embraced the evil cow, and blessed her travel and life beyond my home. And the next morning, I woke up to extra drama she had caused and text messages of her talking mess. And from then on, I realized that letting people get over on me like that wasn't going to fly and that shit eating grin isn't ever enough. Assert Thyself. And don't let people treat you like shit.

4. MAKING FRIENDS MEANS REACHING OUT
During my first two weeks of school, I only spoke to the girl that sits next to me, let's call her "TattedUpQueen," she's beautiful and funny, but I was looking for a group, somewhere to belong. I didn't talk to anyone, so no one talked to me. In the following week, I decided to build my community. I talked to everyone and reached out. Suddenly, I found myself smiling and talking more during class. I was quickly making friends. If you want friends, you have to actually try to make some, you can't just sit around wondering how you can get some!

So those are my lessons, thus far. I promise to write more in the future!
The Self Help Addict

SELF IMAGE IS THE KEY TO SELF ESTEEM

2011-08-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

As a child, I suffered from extremely low self esteem. Now that I think about that period of my life, this low self esteem showed in almost every area of my life. I was constantly the target of bullies. Once, I was beaten and cruelly left in a back yard unconscious. But that is an entirely different story, one that I promise I will tell you in due time. I was easily manipulated by people. I was treated poorly and merely tolerated by others. Having higher self esteem could have prevented all of this from happening. When I was about 14 or 15, my mother unceremoniously handed me what would be my first self help book. It completely changed my life! And amazingly enough, it was the only self help book that actually helped me. This book is called, “Psycho-Cybernetics,” by Maxwell Maltz.

This book was not written by a fancy psychologist or Self Help Guru. Amazingly enough, Maxwell Maltz was a plastic surgeon when he wrote, “Psycho-Cybernetics.” Why is this important? This surgeon dealt with patients that may have had body dysmorphic disorders long before these were acknowledged by psychologists. He understood the connections between a patient’s self image and self esteem. This was Maltz’s epiphany. And he was right.

So here I was a few days ago thinking about how to raise my self esteem, newly lowered by the trauma of having two children, when my Momlady and the book came to mind. I immediately got a copy and began to read the book that changed my life once again. After I read, “Psycho-Cybernetics” the first time, I began to remold my self image. These weren’t overnight changes, mind you; these were changes over the next five years! Suddenly I went from a nervous high school student to someone who exuded a cool confidence…A real confidence. I kept a journal of about three and a half years of that transformation. When I turned 18, I read all of what I had written as a book for the first time. I saw points of growth and points that needed work. I kept track of my daily affirmations and my dreams. And the period after was the best time of my life. I evolved from a cocoon to a butterfly, literally. I had even mastered makeup and high heels, two things that I adore. My life took a turn for the better. And I have a plastic surgeon to thank for it, although I’d never get any work done!

Look, this probably sounds like a load of crap to you. But I don’t BS; I don’t lie to my readers. You are family. If you are unhappy and want to change your life, changing your self image is a good place to start. I don’t endorse anything but this blog on this website and I only recommend this book because it does work. I couldn’t name a more comprehensive self image book than, “Psycho-Cybernetics.” If you need a fool proof way to work on your self image, get the book. Buy it, download it free online, borrow it from a friend. Just make sure you start there. See it through. In 30 days, you will see a new person. And isn’t that what self help is all about?

What does your self image tell you? What has been infesting your mind?

HOW TO LIVE LIFE THE WAY THAT YOU WANT TO...WITH A BUCKET LIST!

2011-08-22T16:21:00.000-07:00

I think I speak for a myriad of people our age when I say that I am unfulfilled by my life. Things didn't exactly go the way I dreamed and along the way to getting my life on track, I have lost sight of my passions. My life seems to be a blur and every day's mantra is "Keep Your Head Above Water." Where did the passion and enjoyment of the simple things in my life go? And how to I get back to feeling fulfilled in life? Where is my passion? Where is my joy? Then I saw the movie, "The Bucket List" with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson and I got an idea. If something as simple as a piece of paper could change the remaining lives of two dying old men, then what could the same do for me? I've got alot of time to fulfill my list, although I have way less money to do it with. If I make these things in my life a priority, then I can achieve them anyway. It's a fact.

But what I think I'll learn the most out of this is that The Bucket List is much more than a piece of paper. It is a pure, unadulterated manifestation of our dreams and aspirations. For some, it can serve as a beacon of hope. For others, it can be their single source of passion. For me, it is everything. I have been a Self Help Addict striving for perfection all of my life. In the quest for said perfection, it is easy to forget what really matters at the end of the day. Am I happy? Am I fulfilled? If not, how can I be? Pleasing others feels like the problem for me. So I need to please myself if I want to be happy. This does two things for me. 1) It frees me from the prison of needing someone else to make me happy. I can do this myself, thank you very much! 2) It reminds me to take better care of myself, which is a must for me.

Here is my Bucket List, which I wrote today.

1.Take my kids to DisneyLand. (We've never been)
2. Pick fresh peaches off of the tree.

3.Visit St. John (The Virgin Islands)
4. Rollerblade through Hollywood (Always sounded fun to me!)
5. Visit Jamaica. (Yeah, Mon!)
6. Own a house. (Even better if I do it before 30!)
7. Write a book.
8. Get 1,000,000 page views on my blog. (Gotta set those Aspirations high!!!)
9. Visit Paris, France. (The City of Lights calls to me!)

10. Drive up California's coast. (I love the scenic route to everywhere!)
11. Own my own business. (Because I'm a Boss!)
12. Experience absolute freedom. (It means alot to me)
13. Watch my kids on their First Days of School. (*Tears)
14. Set a World record with a group. (Another thing I have always wanted to do)
15.Host a successful dinner party. (I can do Domestic)

16.Get married. (Hey, it's not for everybody, but its for me!)
17. Take a road trip. (I love to travel!)
18. Find a best friend. (This one is a little difficult, but I want to cross it off my list. I need friends, cannont deny this any longer! Hmu on FaceBook if you wanna be my friend, by the way!)

19. Love freely and openly in my relationships. (This involves trust I need to achieve)
20.Hear God's Voice. (Because sometimes I wonder if he hears me too)
21. Run a mile. (Cheer for the asthmatic, proud plus sized runner!!! Yay!)
22. Learn to speak Spanish fluently. (Time to get Rosetta Stone!)
23. Choreograpy a full dance. (Been about 6 years since I have done that!)
24. Perform a good deed for 10 random strangers and expect nothing in return.
25. Stargaze from a roof in the High Desert again.

26. Learn wine appreciation. (Tastes good, I appreciate it!)
27. Live in a different country for a month. (So I can appreciate the culture)
28. Build my dream home. (9 bedroom, 5 huge bathrooms, a swimming pool, and a library.)
29. See the California Redwoods.
30.Fold 1,000 paper cranes. (origami)
31. Speak as a motivational speaker. (Because that's the same as blogging, in person!)
32. Cash a $1,000,000 check. (Aim high!)

33. Quit smoking. (Should have been #1)
34. Let my hair grow down my back. (Been working on this one for a year now. And I'm halfway there!)
35. Walk for AIDS charity.
36. Walk for The American Heart Association. (My mom died of a Heart Attact in 2009)
37. Learn to walk in heels...again.
38. Work back down to 165 lbs. (Not because I don't love my body, but because I do)
39. Watch every Johnny Depp movie ever made. (Hey, cut me some slack. I never had a Johnny Depp crush as a teen. Every woman should crush on him and Robert Downey Jr. at least once in their lives)
40. See "Gone With The Wind" one time for my Ane (My Aunt).
41. Make my own pot of greens from scratch. (Just like my Great Grandmother used to)
42. Live in a different state for 6 months. (California is like no where else)
43. See Las Vegas. (I've never been before)
44. Compete on Jeopardy (I know I'd be leaving with $$$$)

45. Buy the expensive phone. (I always buy crappy, cheap phones. My latest one: The Samsung Freeform II. It currently goes for $39)
46. Train for one vocation. (No doubt my writing career will succeed, but I should learn one trade, in case I ever want to quit my day job.)
47. Make myself the most kick ass resume possible. (Because we should all toot our own horns!)
48. Start a garden with GG (my Grandmother).
49. Dance my ass off at a night club. (Cue "Last Dance" by Donna Summer)
50. See Nikki Giovanni and Maya Angelou live and in person.
51. Take on really tasteful nude photo. (Professional, of course, what do I look like?!)

52. Attend a Red Carpet Premiere. (One more time)
53. Spend a summer in Miama, Florida. (Sounds so sexy!)
54. Recite my poetry in a poetry cafe. (Life Dream)
55. Tape a silly radio show. (Always wanted to be a radio show host)

56. See Drake Live. (Gotta see that sexy in person)
57. Wear a really sexy Halloween costume and hit West Hollywood hard for the parade.
58. Spend time in a cabin in Big Bear in the Winter.
59. Ride a roller coaster. (I am terrified of them, so they make the list!)
60. Go on a cruise.
61. Work as a Sonic Waitress. (Rollerblades included.)

What makes your Bucket List? What ideas did you get from mine? How many things from my list and yours match? Feel free to comment below. I'd love to hear from you!

SOMETIMES YOU'VE JUST GOT TO LAUGH AT YOURSELF!

2011-08-19T17:25:00.000-07:00

Today, I decided to play with Jimmy (my Love) and ManMan (The Savage) and dislocated my shoulder. How did this happen? Well let's see. I was gambling for push ups and lost a bet. Normally, doing 20 push ups is an easy task for me, but today something went wrong. I went down to do my second push up and when I tried to lift back up, my shoulder dislocated, slamming my body back onto the cold tile. I watched it slide out of place and then back in. Instead of crying in pain, do you know what I was doing? I was laughing my ass off. Why? Well, first of all, laughing seems to take the pain away. Second of all, I knew that it was silly to have been on the floor doing push ups anyhow. Third of all, you've got to see the silver lining in everything you do. And the silver lining for me was that I realized that I shouldn't take myself that seriously anyhow.

And you shouldn't either. Feeling down because you're embarassed? You wouldn't be if you were laughing with them. It's amazing how something as simple as laughter can change the dynamic of a situation. It brings people together. This should't be something to tear people apart. So have a laugh at your own expense. It's worth every chuckle.

IT'S TIME FOR A REAL BODY REVOLUTION!

2011-08-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,
Recently, news surfaced that Thinspiration site "Pro-Ana" has named Kate Middleton as their favorite icon. This has sparked a debate over whether idolizing Eating Disorders like anorexia and bulimia are socially acceptable. From one end of the world to the other, the media has set a shocking standard for beauty that easily impressionable youth (like You and I) have aspired to for decades. For a long time, I have questioned the reality of body shape and size portrayed by the media. When I was in high school, I was a size 8 and actually was considered plus sized by many of my small sized dancer friends. Does this look plus sized to you?

Hell, this doesn't even look healthy, let alone plus sized! But we let the media define the degree of health that we should attempt, even if it leads us to disorder after disorder.

It shows in the things we watch on tv, the magazines we read, and the things we talk about.

Do you find yourself wondering about your size and its effect on your beauty and self esteem? I know that I have. I went from 120 pounds in the above photo to 270 pounds during my first pregnancy. I've been stick bony and I have been morbidly obese. Through it all, the only thing I wanted to know was that someone understood what I was going through. So I want to offer the same thing to you, My Addicts.

If your self esteem is suffering because you cannot live up to the sickeningly high standards that society has set for beauty, then you are not alone. In 2009, Glamour Magazine launched its Real Women campaign and The Body Image Revolution has catapulted to astral heights ever since. I was blessed to have witnessed the whole thing! It started with former plus sized model turned Writer and Plus Size Advocate Crystal Renn and her Bettie Page style swimsuit pictures in Glamour magazine.

When I saw this I rocked a size 18 jeans and had virtually no self esteem. The first thing I said when I saw this picture was, "IS SHE PLUS SIZED?" And at a beautifully curvy size 12, Crystal Renn was! Next came Lizzie Miller, respectfully dubbed, "The Woman on Page 194." I don't want to say much about the photo because I believe it speaks volumes for itself.

DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE'S HIDING HER CURVES?

So stop worrying what everyone else thinks. This is what a real woman looks like! This confidence and self esteem is what more women need, not a diet plan, or pills, or disorder. Still don't think you look normal for your size? Check out www.MyBodyGallery.com and check out pictures of real people that are the same size! In fact, let me be honest. I decided to add my photos to this site so that I could help other pear shaped, size 16, 5 foot 7 inches tall women! Check it out: http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-5079-body-shape.htm#img and http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-5078-body-shape.htm#img

Me Now

AND SELF HELP ADDICTS, THIS IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU!

If you have trouble loving yourself because of your size and shape, this is even more difficult to overcome as a Self Help addict. This is due to the need to change for the love of others and your own self love. Start loving yourself as you are...AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW! Feel free to comment on this and other posts below!

STOP DEPENDING ON OTHERS TO SUPPORT YOUR DREAMS AND START BEING YOUR BIGGEST CHEERLEADER!

2011-08-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

I have something to confess, readers. I don't think that my fiance/baby daddy Jimmy supports my newfound career choices. He doesn't read my blog, he doesn't like that I have to take time to write it, and he doesn't care how many readers I have (!). I'll bet that while you are considering the things you want out of life, your dreams and aspirations, you've come across someone who doesn't support what you want. And it hurts, I know. And maybe it has you discouraged about going for the things you want. Just like me.

But there's something you have to realize! Depending on others to support you and encourage the development of your dreams sets you up for failure. While it is nice, it is more trouble than it is worth. There is only one person in this entire world that you can depend on and that's you (two if you count me <3). When things get tough on the road to your success, the ones you depend on to hold you up will be the first to jump ship, and that's on some real shit! Why would they allow themselves to struggle with no advantages for them in sight? It's called "Looking Out For #1" and if you want success in any aspect of your life, you'd better be doing it too!

Isn't that selfish just like them? Sure. But the truth of the matter is, it's ok to be a little selfish every now and then. If you aren't already, you're severely neglecting yourself! Everyone in this world is guilty of being selfish now and then. It's those selfish people that are happier and more successful. It's the guy who started low in the company but stayed in the office late nights until he makes CEO that is selfish. It is the doctor who had to neglect having a personal life for years of med school, internships, and residencies that is selfish. IT IS THE WRITER WHO STARTS A BLOG ON A DREAM AND KNOWS THE WORK WILL BE HARD, THAT IS SELFISH! Especially if said writer achieves her goals and dreams in the process.

Now let me tell you what those unselfish people look like. The doormat that everyone walks over is unselfish. It serves its purpose and doesn't complain about the mud. The woman who won't leave her abusive relationship because she doesn't want to hurt her husband is unselfish. And unhappy. Take note of that. The girl who smokes all her tree with a group only to realize later that she doesn't have any left is unselfish. And probably feels used. Addicts, do you see how being unselfish could be the worst mistake you have ever made?

Be selfish in achieving your dreams. Be selfish in demanding that you are treated the way you want to be treated! Be selfish at some point in your life. It is the most glorious experience you could have. It makes you want and expect better or more than what you have had. Don't hang your head in shame the next time someone calls you, the Underdog, selfish. Look the bastard right in the eye and tell that person this: "IF I DON'T SPOIL MYSELF, WHO WILL? DEFINITELY NOT YOU!" And rest assured that you're right!

A GLIMPSE OF FAILURE

2011-08-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Today I'm not going to write about self help as much as I am going to write about myself. I am guilty of expecting instant gratification and I see it everywhere in my life. I hate waiting for the microwave. I hate waiting through commercials. I hate waiting period. And when I push myself through challenges, like starting toward my life dream of writing professionally, I expect instant fame and lots of fans. Of course, this is real life, and hard work is necessary for success in any field, especially one like blogging. I'm putting my heart on the line and expecting people everywhere to love me.

There's a downside to this. When I finished my day with a total of 23 readers today, my heart kind of fell. I know, I know. I've only been a blogger for a few days. But can't a girl imagine this being her way to a better life? Can't I have a dream come true? People everywhere experience instant success. Is it so hard for a normal girl with thoughts and opinions to as well?

I'm down in the dumps today. Because I'm anxiously thinking this as I write. No drafts, no outlines. Just me. And a laptop. And a dream. But then I think about the successes I have had today. I had 23 more readers today than yesterday. I have one LIKE on Facebook. I have two new followers on Twitter. And I have more self esteem and more fulfillment than I have in a very long time.

Dear Readers, Friends, Fans, Students...
Let this be a lesson to you. If you are afraid to follow your dreams and desires because you are afraid to fail, remember that with every failure comes a lesson and a silver lining. You have to be the one to look for them. My lesson is that Instant Gratification isn't worth what waiting is. And my silver lining is taht I have my 23 readers to take this journey with me.

Sincerely, DeVonsia The Self Help Addict

There's Gotta Be More To Life Than This!

2011-08-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

ARE YOU UNSATISFIED, UNFULFILLED, OR BORED WITH YOUR LIFE?

I know I have been. In fact, it isn't uncommon for people to experience this many times in their lives. Recently, I've found that my day to day life is boring. Wake up, take care of my babies, clean the house, go to school... Is this all that there is to life? It seems like my days bleed together and the only separation is sleep. It feels like a heavy fog over my life; like I'm under a cloud like a sad cartoon character.

I find myself getting stuck in sad states of mind and all hope goes out of the window. Suddenly every failure is a heavy burden and every triumph is invisible. Wasn't I supposed to be rich by now? Shouldn't I have been married and happy by this point? I'm supposed to be a famous person by now! I begin to complain and find myself unhappy with every aspect of my life. I just want to run away from it all: The responsibilities, the failures, the hard work, the heinous diaper changes. I panic and I begin to doubt myself and my life. I find myself on Facebook looking at successful friends I went to high school with. One went to Howard. Another to NYU. A few picked up amazing entertainment careers. And here I am, 22 years old and still struggling to decide what I want to do with my life. How did I fall so far behind?

IS A LACK OF GRATITUDE TO BLAME FOR MY UNHAPPINESS?

During my quest for happiness, a friend suggested that I start writing down things that I am grateful for everyday. I admit, I scoffed the idea of another Self Help Addict advising me made me a little apprehensive, but My Gratitude Journal is an uplifting tool. Suddenly, I find myself feeling better and finding more reasons to smile. After all, change has to begin within! I encourage you readers, you self help champions to write your gratitude at least once a day. It's not homework, just make a list of 10 things. It makes all the difference.

STILL BORED AND UNFULFILLED?

I used to be one of those people that complained about being bored and having nothing to do. Whole months went by as I struggled to find a hobby, niche, or career. So let me be the first to tell you that the only one holding you back is YOU! What is stopping you from fulfilling your wildest dreams? Is it fear? Is it lack of money? Write it down, get it out, and move forward! Start planning for what you want and be confident in your decisions. I've wanted to be a writer since I was 12. I took 10 years to finally put my thoughts out in public in a widespread attempt at attaining more readers than I could ever imagine. But here I am, ready for the ups and downs that are inherent with the dream. You could be here too. So start doing your research, plan, revise and take action. There's no day like today to start doing what you love. If you want to start writing like me, start a blog yourself! If you want to learn to do ANYTHING, take a class or learn by YouTube. But for the love of Self Help Addicts everywhere, drop the anxious wondering and self help books and take action!

And in case you're wondering what my Gratitude List for today looks like, here it is!

1. I am grateful for the opportunity and the foresight to start living my childhood dream.
2. I am grateful for my first fans and for future ones.
3. I am grateful for having the time to write this consistently thus far.
4. I am grateful for the life experiences that inspired me to teach others.
5. I am grateful for small breaks, where would I be without them?
6. I am grateful for sisters to bounce ideas off of.
7. I am grateful for God granting me the honesty he has.
8. I am grateful for waking this morning.
9. I am grateful for being able to spread my thoughts to the far reaches of the globe.
10. I am grateful for YOU, the Self Help Addicts like ME!

HELLO EVERYONE. MY NAME IS DEVONSIA AND I'M A SELF HELP ADDICT!

2011-08-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

WHY SELF HELP?
As an ambitious Twentysomething, I know that we constantly encounter the feeling of not being good enough. I've experienced this over and over since the beginning of young adulthood. First, I went through the overachiever's guilt of not having good enough grades. This made me leave high school all together. Then, I got pregnant with my first child. Cue the feelings of not being a good enough parent. I flubbed my way through my first semester of college. I made it through with hardly the skin of my teeth before deciding I wasn't smart enough to succeed. Feelings of failure are a repeated problem for young adults, one that most people have trouble admitting to. Its so hard to grasp the concept of success that our decisions become harder to make and our lives become stagnant. As soon as we feel we're struggling to keep our heads above water, we see a floatation device: Self Help books. It seems that self help books and articles are maps for life. "I'm supposed to..." and concepts of "normalcy" often make the Twenties a difficult time. No one is sure what we're supposed to be doing and how we're supposed to feel. All I want is to know that I'm doing the right thing. The thing about self help books is that they're addictive. Soon you're finding that you spend more time self improving than self accepting or even self enjoying. How do you get out of this rut?

EVERYONE FEARS FAILURE, YET NO ONE CAN AVOID IT.
That's why I started my own blog. Self help has to be tailored to each individual person, which is why self help books often don't fill the need for improvement. But what if we strive to understand ourselves just a little bit better instead of depending on the status quo? Wouldn't life be a little more easy to bear? My job is not to tell you how to live, but why. My job is to give you the necessary tools for self discovery and attaining your wildest dreams. But we have to start with a single step. As I took my own life journey and continue to do so, I will document my experiences, good and bad.

WHO IS THE BEST SELF HELP WRITER IN THE WORLD?
Me! No, I'm just kidding. If the best self help book in the world has to be written for each person, then only one person can write yours: YOU! As we take this journey together, I recommend that you keep a journal to document what you find to be true of yourself and your progress as you go. A journal is a great outlet for your creative endeavors, expressing emotions, and may serve as a key to someone else's problems as well. It doesn't matter whether it is an expensive pillowbook or a cheap little 99 Cent Only Store brand composition notebook as long as it is solely your place of expression. What matters is that you remember that your journal is a place for you to be honest with yourself and treat it as such.